The most incredible thing just happened to me.  This past year I've been struggling a lot with feeling spiritually connected.  The belief system is there, but due to circumstantial stuff, etc, I've felt like my heart hasn't truly be in it.  Lately I've been putting an immense amount of effort into really trying to talk to God and connect with Him, and be the kind of person I know I can be.  Today, for whatever reason, my eyes have really been opened to what God is doing in my heart... just realizing how I've been changing as a person, in how I'm responding to people, and the way I look at the world.  It's just been extremely put on my heart today.  All along, I've been praying for some sort of sign, almost unconsciously, just some indication that God wants to feel that connection to me as badly as I do to him.  Driving back from spending time with my parents in North Bend just now, I pulled on to the road home and looked up in the sky, where there was one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen... Rainbows everywhere.  Three rainbows stacked on top of one another, rainbows to the right and left of that, rainbows all over the sky.  And it just hit me like a ton of bricks: Rainbows, God's promise to mankind.  So specific and literal that even though I know all about the physics and science of rainbows, I can't help but feel that it was just for me, a reassurance that nothing will ever be the same.  Amazing.

I hate that every time I come on here I feel like anything I have to say is worthless if it's not tragic or mindblowingly amazing.  Boo.

“I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till I drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.”
 
The above quote describes me PERFECTLY right now.  I feel like I am being pulled in a zillion directions and have no idea what to do with myself, so I just stand it one place, bound up like a mummy in my own passions and decisions to be made and inherent weaknesses.

Sounds really negative, but truly I'm not feeling that way about it.  Life is confusing, so for this one time, I'm just gonna keep swimming in place and let myself figure out who I am and what needs to be done when it comes to me, rather than beat my head against the wall trying to extract answers that just aren't there yet.

True update:
I am a million places at once.  Either overwhelmingly, indestructably happy or completely the opposite, changing from minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day, month to month.  Hey, that's okay.  I'd rather be all over the map than stuck in one apathetic place.  Cheers to living and life-- experienced in all its tones and mediums.

Things I am loving right now:
* Sunny days
* Running, hiking, biking, walking, swimming, and all the possible ways of exploring this amazing planet
* New friends & great conversations- even if they are completely casual and don't extend outside the classroom
* Knowing that in a mere 70-something days, I will be lying on the beach in Maui with nothing more important or satisfying than the present moment, the sand between my toes, and the drink in my hand
* Being a health nut in a GOOD way, and loving delicious, natural, healthy foods and working my body hard
* Rare but so valued meetings with dear friends and knowing that they are strong, capable, hopeful women who can take on any situation with grace, faith, and intrinsic joy
* Having too many pets, but loving keeping up with them and watching them grow up and love on each other-- it's amazing how you can build a little family in such a short time
* Martini bars in Ellensburg- a taste of sophistication and civilization in the midst of small town life (the Dr. Zhivago is to DIE for)
* Seeing random acts of kindness every day in new and unexpected places- people can truly be so wonderful

Things I am not loving so much right now:
* All the icky little spiders making their way out of the woodwork and into my house
* Lack of intellectual stimulation
* Missing my girls on a daily basis- I was extremely spoiled living in the same city with them for so long
* Being the only one not going on the Vegas trip (which is made SLIGHTLY better by knowing that I am missing it to watch two couples I truly cherish start their lives together-- I feel super blessed to be a witness to that)
* Feeling overweight, out of shape, and completely devoid of energy when I eat well and work my butt off-- and especially not being able to pinpoint some sort of fixable, medical reason WHY.


But HELLO-
I am confused because there are so many things I would be incredibly, passionately, unequivocally excited to do with my life-- is that cool, or what??

Whoever said that life is a rollercoaster is so freakin' right.

The sky is falling.
Good thing I've got my steel umbrella.

I have to say, I was pretty shocked to hear how violently so many people hate Valentine's Day.  I mean, yes, I'm in a great relationship, so maybe my say doesn't count for much here...  but I guess I've never really thought of Valentine's Day as a purely romantic holiday.  Some of my favorite Valentine's Days of all time have been spent just being with family, and being able to take a day to purely enjoy each others' company.  I mean, it's just my two cents.  I just feel like rather than being angry, it might be more beneficial to everyone involved to use the day to appreciate your loved ones.

I had the most fantastic weekend.  It was wonderful to be back at home, enjoying my house (my parents' house- still weird) and the beautiful weather, and having four uninterrupted days to spend with my husband.  I absolutely loved going to the zoo-- one of my favorite dates of all time.  I spent the whole time in near-tears, just from being perfectly excited and content and understood. I mean... the man spent five hours at the zoo.  For me.  Wow.  I am one lucky beeyotch!

I have spent a ridiculous amount of time feeling sorry for myself lately.

I don't have any friends.
I'm fat, and I don't get why.
My classes are boring... I wish I was intellectually stimulated.
My spiritual life is stagnant. 
I don't want to move... we just got here.

THIS is a lot like what the inside of my head has looked like for the past two or three months.
It is so toxic.  I'm done.  This is incredibly embarrassing.  The only reason I even admit it out loud is so that someone out there in cyber space will bear witness to its patheticness and I will never allow myself to get to this point again.

Okay, FIRST of all... as most major religions, developed by men and women FAR more intelligent and spiritually in tune than I, clearly state: My body is a temple.  It is not a place to crap all over whenever I feel like my life is getting out of control.  It is just as much a part of me as are my mind and my soul, and all must be equally nurtured and taken care of.  So, from here on forward I pledge to treat my body as such.  I will feed it healthy, delicious foods and not feel bad when I occasionally give it a brownie or a bowl of ice cream.  I will not subject it to wacky diets or starve it or use it as an excuse to exercise my tendencies to be a control freak.  I WILL, however, take it running and hiking and swimming, and make sure it is as healthy as it possibly can be, and not punish it when it needs a day off to relax and recooperate.  Oh, and I WILL take it to yoga class even if it does cost $90 a quarter, because it makes it, and me, feel happy in ways we have never gotten to feel before, and we deserve that just as much as hardworking women deserve their Coach purse or their Seven jeans.  I think that ALL women deserve things that make them feel feminine and beautiful.

SECOND of all... It was MY decision to come to Central and and to pursue a degree here.  So what if classes are boring?  Everyone else is taking these boring classes too.  Once these classes are through, I get to learn about the things I'm passionate about, which is a much better way to finish.  This will get better in time.  The fact that I am desiring more is a sign that I am SUPPOSED to be here, and that I am doing the right thing for myself.  There are other ways to be intellectually stimulated.  I will read books by great authors.  I will learn things about myself and the world around me in non-academic ways.  I will apply the mudane to everyday life and make them interesting and relevant.  Most of all, I will appreciate what I am gaining.  I left PLU, where I was very satisfied, to come to Central to be with a wonderful man who loves me, and we are building a life together.  This is not anti-progressive.  Feminism is about being able to make the choices- ANY choices- which leave you happy and fulfilled.  

THIRD of all... I am liberated.  I am free to believe in God and Jesus in any way I choose.  If this doesn't align with what church tells me, I will find another church, or I will take what I can from sermons and use it to build on my own faith.  I will not spiritually associate myself with anyone or any organization which promotes God as anything less than loving and forgiving.  I read in "Eat, Pray, Love" that if you desire a spiritual teacher strongly enough, one will come.  I will love passionately: friends, family, life, place, people... and a fullfilled, loving life will be my worship.  God will know that I am loving Him MY way, the way I was created to do, and He will understand that loving Jesus and namaste simultaneously is how I connect with Him and the universe the best.  

FOURTH of all... If there is anything I've learned about life, it is that it is unpredictable and the most important skill I can develop is adaptability.  From now on, I will view my life and everything that happens in it as an opportunity for adventure and growth.  Even if I DO have to move without finishing my degree, it is an adventure.  We could end up anywhere.  For better or for worse, I will enjoy my life and be an active participant in it.  Everything is different now.  It's not just about me- so I will be the strength and  calm and optimism that my husband needs in order to move forward.  Also, I will accept that as desperately as I want to be strong, this doesn't need to be so hard.  I will at least consider getting over myself and getting the medication I need so that these changes aren't so unnecessarily difficult.  If it benefits me and the people around me, that is what I will do.

And FIFTH of all... because it is the closest to my heart... I will recognize that I am the one who moved away, so it is my responsibility to be the intiator, even if I don't always feel that it is fair.  I will be more direct, rather than bottling up things that hurt me or make me angry.  I will value myself enough to call people and spend time with them, rather than assume they have no interest in me if they don't contact me first.  I need to acknowledge that I am not perfect, and neither is anyone else.  With that being said, I do feel that there are some areas where I deserve to expect better.  I am not perfect, true, but I am trustworthy and generally accepting of criticism, and if I work on being more direct and communicative, I expect the same courtesy in return.  Life is happening to all of us; we are growing up, branching out, and experiencing new, exciting things.  With the precious little time we have to spend with friends in our busy lives, I want to know that that time and energy can be put into sharing our lives and experiences, rather than being held back by things being kept in and lack of communication. Therefore, I will be concentrating on bettering myself, being honest, and establishing mature, meaningful friendships that I will put effort into maintaining for the rest of my life.  

This is my new manifesto.  A little too late for a New Year's resolution, but it will be my resolution for a happy and meaningful life, for which I take responsibility.  Rest assured, I am no victim so I will no longer endulge in playing the part of one.


It's bizarre.  Whatever the catalyst may be, in the midst of all the confusion I am changing.  Scary to say, but maybe even growing up.  In a matter of days, so much has become clear to me about what I need to live in a way which is healthy for ALL of me.  I've been able to let go of certain things and latch on to others.  Brandon and I are coming home for the weekend, during which I am looking foward to seeing people who are very dear to me.  We are also seeing Phil and Carly.  As some of you know, this has been a struggle of mine for quite some time... for reasons which are both valid and fictitious figments of my insecurities.  However, one day fairly recently, I just let it go.  I was finally able to understand that... it doesn't matter.  Being wrong or right or justified in my worries doesn't matter.  I can be happy now.  Some men are good.  People move on with their lives.  If I am capable of it, so is she.  Maybe I will gain a friend out of all this, but at the very least, I will gain my life back... which frankly, means everything.  This is one small example, but it represents the end of a struggle which has taken me many relationships and many years of fear and tears to work through.  I can wake up in the morning and be issueless.  I'm not scared of being abandoned or cheated on or taken advantage of.  There aren't even words to describe what a huge breakthrough this is for me... it sounds so trite, but it has taken everything I have in me to get to this point, plus, I'm sure, a very large bit of grace.  I feel deserving and secure.

Word vomit.  Sometimes you just have to let it aaaaaaaaall out.

I am so damn lucky.

:o)

Dear American people,
I would like to send out a personal and very heartfelt thank you for restoring my faith in humanity.  I find it so inspiring and thrilling that, given the choice between male, female, white, black, young and old, you overlooked all that and chose the best PERSON for our President in overwhelming numbers.  That you all recognize our need for change and embrace such high ideals as peace and moral integrity, and are pushing for what's best for the country as a whole, as well as for our environment... I am humbled and proud to live in such times as these, when the nation came together to bring this change about.  You inspire me and give me hope.

To our President:
God bless you, and your beautiful family.  I can't wait to see all that you have to offer our country and the world, and I know that with the passion you've inspired in all of us, we can do great things and make this a truly great nation.

These are momentous times, and it is just thrilling to be a part of them :o)

This is so stupid, but do you ever sign on to Facebook or MySpace or whatever social networking device/obsession you prefer, and look at the little box where you put your status and just think, man, if I could just put what I'm really thinking.

Lauren is... feeling like something huge is missing in her life... I think it's called... purpose?
Lauren is... a hot mess. How can you work out almost every single day and eat fruits and vegetables until they're coming out of your ears and still feel like the fattest, most disgusting person on the planet?

It's funny, and kind of sad, how we think we're so connected with all of our technological advances, and really we don't know each other at all. 

I'm not trying to be dramatic.  I'm not depressed, or completely falling apart, or anything to that degree.  I'm not even in a bad mood.  I guess I just find it discouraging that technology makes it so easy to be so... surface with one another.  I do this too.  Big time.  It's lazy, and I'm tired of it.  I'm tired of cell phones, and stupid freakin' text messages, which are supposed to communicate everything you want to say in 160 or less characters.  Screw that.  I hate the phone.  I take it with me less than 1% of the time and I check my messages even less.  I think if an actual, honest-to-god letter ever came in the mail I would die of shock before I even had time to be happy about it.  Even an e-mail.  Or better yet, an actual, real-life, real-time coffee date.  I know these things are necessary, I know this.  People live far away, and have busy, thriving, complicated lives and it's WONDERFUL.  I don't know... maybe I'm lonely, and maybe I feel like everyone else leads lives that are far more interesting than mine.
LHDLKFHLAKSLLKAJKLJAKLJKJLALKHFLKJKLGOEIHGTPIGHPEHGI)EHOIHGLKSDLQKLKLWKLWKLW.

The end.

Just for funsies, I decided to make a list of my personal picks for the most beautiful women in Hollywood.
Not in any particular order, just a reminder to myself that beautiful, talented, and real women really do exist in the limelight.

Kate Winslet


Diane Lane


Shakira


Ellen DeGeneres


...and her GORGEOUS wife, Portia


Jennifer Hudson


Meg Ryan



I could go on and on, but I don't really want to stun anyone senseless :o)

It drives me abso-freaking-lutely nuts when Kate Winslet is referred to as a beautiful, "full-figured" woman.  She's what, maybe a size two?  Four?  A gorgeous, beautiful, stunning woman, in her own right.  There is no qualification or disclaimer needed.  I think its really sad how skewed our idea of beauty has become when it can fit into only one tiny little package and that the standard for that package is... Kate Moss? 

Wow, I sure forgot about this thing.  Everyone seems to be leading such exciting, purposeful lives, and I think that's really great.  It's nice to come on here and see people taking steps, huge or small, to get where they want to be.  As for me, I am sort of treading water right now.  The entire future seems to be up in the air, so I am doing what I can to stabilize life in whatever way I'm capable of.  I guess that means going to classes, which are somewhat mundane so far, and trying my darndest to have a meal on the table at the end of the day.  Although I am missing the caliber of PLU classes really intensely, knowing that we may have to up and move to who-knows-where at the drop of a hat makes me really appreciate my big, beautiful house, and the opportunity to be in school.  I desperately want to finish my degree.  I desperately want to go to grad school.  Right now it's hard to know if that's possible, so I am just going on a day by day basis and trying to remember that life, for better or for worse, always turns out in the end.  It will be interesting to see where we end up.  Aside from uncertain future events, a seemingly unfixable computer, and the feeling of being intensely lonely, which hits in waves, things are just fine.  I spent a wonderful week at home with my family and got to see dear friends (though not as much as I'd have liked), enjoyed a beautiful white Christmas (which now needs to go far, far away), and managed to get through an entire trip to Sun Peaks with no breaks, sprains, or major bruising.  Whew.  So, life is good.  It is WAY out there, but good. 

Also, I think the new Starbucks tea lattes are swell.  I haven't tried them all yet, but the Vanilla Rooibus Latte is very delish with soy.  I just HAVE to try London Fog next.  I have no idea what is in it (I predict Earl Grey?), but the name conjures such great memories and emotions that I have high hopes it will taste like a little slice of the homeland.  God, London.  What an incredible place. 

In other news, I am toying with the idea of becoming a vegetarian.  I know I will miss things like big, juicy steaks and my dad's amazing, incredible burgers, but the knowledge of the unimaginable cruelties these animals endure is weighing extremely heavily on my conscience.  I hope that doesn't sound preachy.  There have been things drawn to my attention, though, that make it impossible for me to look the other way anymore.  So, to celebrate... I bought a cute little book of vegan cupcake recipes.  I know that vegan is probably WAY out of my league, but gosh darn... these cupcakes are ADORABLE.

Well, I am off to enjoy this sunshine.  Even though I know the warm weather is wreking havoc both here and on the west side (some houses down the street are literally two feet underneath the creek now), I am so, so glad to see it come.  That is so selfish.  I don't even care.  I need you, sun.  I need you so, so badly.

Have you ever made out in a bathroom?
Yes.  GROSS, now that I think about it.  But the person in whose bathroom it took place thankfully kept it very clean.

Do you think the last person you kissed is nice?
I do, and I think lots of other good things about him as well.

Who was the last person to call you?
Brandon.

What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
A grande blended green tea lemonade from Starbucks.  It was the perfect refreshment on a 100 degree day.

When is the last time you cried?
The other night.  We were sitting on the couch watching TV and it reminded me of how Mittens used to always sit up there with us :o(

Last text from?
Stephanie.

Are you scared of spiders?
I'm terrified.  Excruciatingly, overwhelmingly, all-consumingly so.

When was the last time you were so drunk you threw up?
The very first time I tried drinking shots and had no idea how much I could handle.  The only other times I've thrown up have been from too much sugar or volume of liquid.  Thanks, Mike's.

Do you miss anyone?
Of course I do.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
I have absolutely no desire to do that.  Unless we're talking like, Middle Kingdom Egypt or something.

What are your plans for this weekend?
4th of July.  It's kind of complicated right now, but I'm most likely going to spend it watching the fireworks show at Yakama Nation casino in Toppenish and enjoying the 88 degree weather with Brandon.

Ever been swimming in a lake or river?
Yesterday, actually!  And it was BOTH.  A river that drains into a lake :o)

Ever ridden a 4-wheeler?
Yup.  In fact, I drove one right off a cliff!  Not on purpose.

Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
I like babe :o)

What's irritating you right now?
My eyeballs... Allergieeess.

Is cheating ever okay?
No.  Here's my theory on cheating: if someone cheats on you, obviously they aren't the person you thought they were, so therefore you can't possibly love them, and why would you put the effort into staying with someone who would do something so selfish and cruel to you when you don't even love them?

Are you listening to music right now?
No, but I randomly haven't been able to get the Rubber Ducky song from Sesame Street out of my head ALL day.

Do you like Chinese food?
You know, I didn't think I did, but then I went to this amazing Sichuan restaurant on South Tacoma Way.  They make this killer eggplant dish... I've never had anything like it.  Delicious!

What is the last movie you saw in theaters?
Sex & the City.  I ALMOST want to say I never want to see another movie again because the experience was so  good, but Wall-E is out now, and I have a major robot-crush on him :o)

Do you get distracted easily?
Depends on how much I care about what's going on.

What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Cuddled with my kitties ♥

Are you jealous of someone?
Not at the moment.  I'm not even going to try and dig deeper to find something.

Do you have a best friend?
I do.

Would you live with someone without marrying them?
Well, not ideally.  Thankfully in my case I only have a few months to go, so I think I can hold out :o)

Have you ever had a dream about people you love dying?
All the time and it is AWFUL.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Brandon... we were both sad about Mittens :o(

Have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink?
My legs do NOT extend that far.

Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Sure.  I've done it so many times and I still have absolutely NO skill in that department.

Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?
I agree with Sarah and Steph, like doesn't hurt.  Only love does.

Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry?
Not to my knowledge.

Have you ever been cheated on?
Too many times.  Thankfully all that is done now.

Have you ever broken someone's heart?
I think they thought I broke it.

Talk to your ex's?
A select few from a million years ago that I consider my good friends.

If you could go back in time would you change things with an ex?
Ending things sooner?  Ha ha, just kidding.  I wouldn't change anything, I think I'm right where I'm meant to be.

Believe in love at first sight?
Nope.

Ever liked someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend?
I remember I had the world's biggest crush on my 9th grade best friend's boyfriend.  I liked him before, during, and long, long after, but of course I didn't DO anything about it.

Is heartbreak really as bad as it sounds?
Worse.  Much, much worse.

Are you looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend?
Nope!  I am quite happily taken and ready to be done with the boyfriend and girlfriend titles forever.



1. What type of energy drink do you like?

Coolah.  Mmm!


2. What is the last musical artist you downloaded or added to your playlist?

Lil Wayne.  Don't hate, you love "Lollipop" too.


3. What is the last movie you watched from start to finish?

Becoming Jane.  I HATED the ending, but ohhhhh James McAvoy...


4. If you could party with any celebrities, who would it be?

William and Harry.  You KNOW they're rolling in style.


5. What type of food would you be happy to go for on a date?

Moroccan.  I've never tried it, but wouldn't that be a fun date??

6. What would be a good end to a perfect date?

:D  I am so over dating. 

7. What was the last type of beer you consumed?

Wailua Wheat by Kona Brewing Company.  It's infused with passionfruit... so good!

8. What do you hope goes well when it happens?

Honeymoon!  Two people traveling alone together for the first time... you never know!


9. What brand of cigarettes do you smoke?

I violently hate smoking.


10. If any college in the world would accept you, where would you go?

Moscow State University.  What a dream!


11. Where is one of your favorite places to shop?

The World of Disney right outside Disneyland :o)


12. What was the last book or magazine you bought?

The Last Song of Dusk.  SO sad.


13. What haven't you had in a while, that you would like to?

Indian food!  Yum.

14. What is something you don't mind a member of the opposite sex to have?

A campaign hat :o)

15. How do you feel about the current war that is going on?

Enough said.

16. What movie do you think you'll be watching next?

Oh, I hope, I hope!

17. What dead celeb would you like to see?




The marvelous, luminescent Audrey Hepburn

18. Which dead celeb do you wish hadn't died?

Princess Diana, who always embodied what a true princess should be: humble, loving, and gracious.


19. What type of lotion do you use?

Whenever I wear this, I close my eyes and pretend I'm an empress :o)

21. What is something you wear often?

Sunglasses.  I found this to be quite moving, as well.

22. What could you really go for right this second?

A vacation.

23. What is the last cartoon you can remember watching?

The Family Guy.

24. What is the last thing you wrote with?

Keyboard.  I wish mine lit up!

25. What is the current location of your cellphone?

In my purse!

26. What was the last war movie you watched?

Casablanca. 

27. What curse word you say often?


28. What state are you from?

Washington.  Oh, and Denzel ain't bad either.

29. What type of citrus fruit do you like?

Satsuma mandarin oranges!  Delicious :o)

30. What was the last type or fruit or veggie you consumed?

Kiwi.  Fun fact for today: Kiwi's originally come from China.  An Australian school teacher was doing missionary work in China and encountered the Chinese gooseberry.  She liked it so much that she brought it back to her native country where it was renamed the kiwi after Australia's endangered kiwi bird.  Thank you, Snapple!


31. You're going on a fast food run, where are you headed?

Taco Del Mar.  I just looove those burritos!


32. What movie can usually always make you cry?

So heartbreaking.  I cry like its my first time watching it every time.


33. Who would you like to see show up at your door?

Ed McMahon, with a million dollar check.

34. What are you going to do later?

Work on wedding decorations.

35. Did you listen to music or watch tv last?

Listen to music.  And that is totally me too :o)

36. What makes you happy?

Kittens and coffee... perfect!

37. What did you do on friday night?

Drove to Ellensburg.

Drank good wine.

Barbecued

My future cousin-in-law:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-ou3Fvr1j4

Just so you all know exactly what kind of a family I'm marrying into.
:o)

I find it to be one of the world's great tragedies that by and large it takes a mental disability for people, or at least adult people, to feel comfortable being open and friendly to strangers.  On the other hand, those moments when you do encounter a friendly hello and a genuine "How are you?" are absolutely priceless.

Story of the day:
So I was sitting here brushing my teeth (at the computer, go figure) and choked a little bit, and when I started coughing bubbles came out :o)

Last night flipping through the channels I happened to come across the finale show of Biggest Loser.  I can't say I've been watching it over the course of the season, in fact I don't think I've even seen an episode.  But for some reason I was glued to the tv... I couldn't help bursting into tears seeing how far all the contestants had come over such a short amount of time, and all the physical, mental and emotional obstacles they had to overcome to get there.  I find myself constantly amazed in new ways by the things the human spirit can accomplish; it's a really beautiful and inspiring thing.

We've been studying Daoism in my Comparative Mysticism class and I find it both fascinating and extremely unsettling.  The more I study religion and mysticism, the more I realize how desperately I want God to be personal, and how much I want to be loved as an individual; as all the various wacky, illogical, loving, passionate, jealous, curious pieces that make up who I am.  I realize that's complete attachment to ego, which is problematic from all kinds of perspectives.  The Buddhists are right, attachment is absolutely suffering, but the absolute joy that comes with it on the opposite end of the spectrum, for me at least, is worth the struggle.  I don't want nothingness, or stillness, or silence, or re-absorption into the Dao.  I want life and vibrance and passion and most of all, I want relationship.  I want Love, with a capital L, to be the ultimate, all-pervasive truth. 

Whew, now that I got THAT off my chest...  What's with that McDonald's latte commercial?  You know the one where the two women are sitting in the coffee shop talking about the new McDonald's latte and they're talking about how relieved they are that they don't have to do sophisticated things like wear heels and read the newspaper anymore?  What, ignorance is something we aspire to now?  My personal favorite moment:
Woman #1: I don't even know where Paraguay is!
Woman #2: Paraguay?
... <--- I think that pretty much speaks for itself.

The sunshine has been absolutely incredible, and SO needed.  I can't wait for summer!